The Thoughts of Biggus Rickus

The home to all things Biggus.

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Location: Jacksonville, FL

I'm the shit.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Insanity with Matthew and Me

Matthew: do you send emails to yourself?

me: Um, no.
Well, if I find a link to something at work that I want to check out at home I will do it on occasion.

Matthew: that's what I'm refering to.

me: Well, I thought perhaps you were talking about actually sending e-mails like:

"Hey Rickus,

I totally got into schizophrenia this year. You have no idea what I'm doing in your name. Well, my name, but your face. It's crazy. Whatever you do, don't pry those boards up in the closet. Talk to you later.

Rich"

Matthew: I thought I sent you that?

me: Wait a second. Are you me? Is this like Fight Club?

Matthew: yes, you are
or I am

me: It can get confusing.

Matthew: I have beaten the shit out of myself though
Like that line from Dolemite, "I'm so bad, I kick my own ass every morning"

me: Does extreme masturbation count?

Matthew: sure

Monday, January 29, 2007

Matthew and Me Actually Take Something Seriously

Matthew: I'm in a love affair with Chuck Hagel. He is my favorite candidate reguarless of party. You should watch the clips I have on TSE

me: I did.

Matthew: Even Bubba The Love Spounge said he has his vote right now
and I listen to everything Bubba tells me
It's really fucking sad I listen to that shit

me: It seems to me to be little more than grandstanding over a pretty meaningless resolution. I mean, really, what does the Senate saying, "We disagree." do to change anything?

Matthew: I posted the video more so for his admonition that no one should impune the motives of another as aiding the terrorists
to say that if we show disagreement we aid our enemies, but then say they hate our freedoms

me: I don't think anyone says that is the motive.

Matthew: fuck the resolution, you are right it is meaningless
but to say you can't change his course so why bother voicing an opinion is wrong
Believe me the Republican crowd did nothing but state that we where heading for Vietnam with Clinton's Kosovo incursion
no matter how meaningless it was

me: There is a legitimate concern that a lack of unified will emboldens an enemy that preys on symbolic victories.

Matthew: But Bush is fighting a war against a tactic

me: I don't think there was the same degree of unity on Kosovo among Republicans as there is among Democrats on Iraq.
You know that's not the case.
Bush is fighting a war on Islamic extremism and Islamic indifference.
But that doesn't sound nice on the international stage.

Matthew: if its not Al queda its Hezbollah, if not them then the Black hand of pre ww I
terroism will exist forever, it will never be defeated. Al Qeauda as we knew it is gone, it's replace by more who share an ax to grind because of their miserable conditions. But that was not the argument. To say you aid the enemy by decenting with strategy means there is no use for the bill of rights becaus they only aid and abet the enemy

me: Nonsense. Inasmuch as what I said holds it is a matter of discretion.

Matthew: I'm all for killing Osama bin Ladin but to say we need marshal law to do it is ludicrus

me: When was martial law brought up?

Matthew: Nonsense, ludicrus
I cant spell
I'm being histrionic

But go back to the original question, how can they hate our freedoms, but be strengthend by them at the same time
to defeat them we just need to shut up and let Bush do whatever he feels is right?

me: Huh? They are strengthened by an apparent lack of resolve. Freedom has nothing to do with it. If we were a dictatorship with a waffliing tyrant it would be no different.
Instead we are a Republic with a waffling populace and a Congress that takes its cues from that populace.

Matthew: so we are losing the war because of us. We just don't want it hard enough?

me: In a sense, yes.

Matthew: strategy has no bearing
we were told it would cost nothing and be over in a second, and we don't have the right to be a little upset when it turns out different?

me: Yes, but the strategy is limited by our own morals. We view World War II as a grand victory. Well, we had to do some vicious shit to scare the enemy. The south didn't bow until Sherman started cutting a swath to the sea.

War is hell. Bush is at fault as the leader to an extent, but it is our own weak-kneed, hemming and hawing culture that creates the problem. Either we want to police the world or we don't. We prefer to take half measures.

Matthew: I can't disagree much with that
I did not mean to get into it like that, but that was good

me: For the record, I don't want to police the world. I think it is bad for our national morality.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

My Favorite Weatherman

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Joe and I Tackle Race Relations and the Color of Love

me: I just heard a white guy talking about how hilarious an old episode of Chapelle was. Minoritisms strike again.
3:52 PM Specifically it was the Wayne Brady as thug bit.
3:54 PM Joe: o jeez
me: I guess I should have specified that he was talking to a black dude, and the black dude seemed to be hurrying out the do'.
3:56 PM Joe: oh yeah, I know your type of people and I am indeed down wit' them
3:57 PM me: You know Terrell, you and I should get up in the club and get crunk.
Joe: We can chase some booty.
3:59 PM me: Perhaps we might convince a couple of ladies to tap their asses.
Joe: I would like to hit that with my blurple head.
me: Aww, blurple.
4:00 PM That's the color of love.
Joe: the color of love is a curious thing.
make a one man weep, make a nother man sing
4:01 PM me: Change of heart to a little white dove. See that blurple, that's the color of love.
4:03 PM Might take money. Might take fame. Bitch won't take credit cards to link that train.
4:05 PM Joe: got a pocket full of rufies and an absence of consent
and I might just do some time
4:08 PM me: That's how it shoulda been.

Friday, January 05, 2007

DJ's Cont'd Finally

I said I'd continue this little train of hatred, so I'm doing it. The nice thing is that it is really easy to find shitty DJ's, since they are all by definition shitty. Just type a name into the music section of myspace and some established or aspiring DJ probably has it. The dumber the better usually, but I'm starting off today with DJ Dan. I have to give him credit for using a real name instead of an element or emotion or something else stupid. What I can't abide is a liar. He makes the grandiose claim that he is the "#1 House DJ in the world...", but how does he reconcile that with this from his profile, "This past year DJ Dan was voted as the number 6 house DJ by the readers of BPM Magazine and the number 24 DJ in the world in the prestigious DJ Magazine poll?" Fuck you Dan. Fuck you with a rusty tire iron.

This will probably shock you, but there are five pages of DJ Heats on myspace, so how does one decide? Well, in keeping with my theme of grandiose claims, this guy wins out. He claims the "Best Music On the planet!" I would make a joke, but I think that speaks for itself. Also, he is apparently a tricked out car, or perhaps a transformer.

I want to make fun of DJ Pete, but he's just so damn friendly. I can't help but wonder to what magical place he will wisk me in his white love buggy. I like to think that unicorns will eat berries from our hands as a band of centaurs, pixies and angels serenade us with their sweet songs of love and hope and charity. Then we will drink sweet ambrosia served by honey bees as fireflies dance upon the crisp early evening air. Finally DJ Pete will make gentle love to me on the downy heather of the lush fields of our magical world. Ah, Pete, please be my Superman.

I'm a little emotional now. I'll have to come back to this later.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

A Brief Moment with Matthew and Me

11:12 AM me: Holy shit, I'm bored.
11:16 AM And this isn't my normal level of boredom. This is soul-sucking, suicide-inducing boredom. In fact, I've already attempted it three times this morning. But I'm pretty sure they were all just cries for help.
11:22 AM Matthew: I didn't try suicide, but I did cry for help four times
me: Well, we just cry for help differently.
You say words. I down sleeping pills.
11:23 AM Matthew: I feel the same way on the bordam front
11:24 AM me: Is Bordam somewhere in the Rhineland?
Matthew: it's a province of Alsaice Lorraine
me: Ah.
11:25 AM Matthew: you know I spell on the level of a fourth gradar
me: Yet you manage to use words in their proper context.
Matthew: spell check is my personal lord and savior
11:26 AM me: I've accepted Joe Piscopo as mine.
Matthew: He's fit

Kenneth Hagin & Kenneth Copeland - Pentecostal Bedlam

I don't really know what to say about this. It's fucking weird. It's fucking scary. It's fucking Pentecostal. Which is redundant I suppose.