DJ's Cont'd Finally

I said I'd continue this little train of hatred, so I'm doing it. The nice thing is that it is really easy to find shitty DJ's, since they are all by definition shitty. Just type a name into the music section of myspace and some established or aspiring DJ probably has it. The dumber the better usually, but I'm starting off today with DJ Dan. I have to give him credit for using a real name instead of an element or emotion or something else stupid. What I can't abide is a liar. He makes the grandiose claim that he is the "#1 House DJ in the world...", but how does he reconcile that with this from his profile, "This past year DJ Dan was voted as the number 6 house DJ by the readers of BPM Magazine and the number 24 DJ in the world in the prestigious DJ Magazine poll?" Fuck you Dan. Fuck you with a rusty tire iron.

This will probably shock you, but there are five pages of DJ Heats on myspace, so how does one decide? Well, in keeping with my theme of grandiose claims, this guy wins out. He claims the "Best Music On the planet!" I would make a joke, but I think that speaks for itself. Also, he is apparently a tricked out car, or perhaps a transformer.

I want to make fun of DJ Pete, but he's just so damn friendly. I can't help but wonder to what magical place he will wisk me in his white love buggy. I like to think that unicorns will eat berries from our hands as a band of centaurs, pixies and angels serenade us with their sweet songs of love and hope and charity. Then we will drink sweet ambrosia served by honey bees as fireflies dance upon the crisp early evening air. Finally DJ Pete will make gentle love to me on the downy heather of the lush fields of our magical world. Ah, Pete, please be my Superman.

I'm a little emotional now. I'll have to come back to this later.