DJs Even Less Cool Than The One on Full House
Why do I hate DJs? Is it the asinine names? The "talent" of putting records on turntables and fiddling with knobs? The fact that every one I've met is a completely narcissistic asshole? It's partially due to those things, but the basic reason is that they are purely and irredeemably evil. So I thought I might take a trip around myspace for the most heinous examples of this evil.
First up we have DJ Fire whose page greets us with this thought provoking quote: "I am blind, yet I see. I am deaf, yet I hear. I am mute, yet I speak." What other oxymoronic statements did he leave out? "I am dead, yet I breathe. I am talentless, yet I get paid for this. I am gay, yet women love me." Truly DJ Fire is a paradox.
Up next is DJ Beat, who I'm pretty sure molests children when he isn't playing with his bandmates Acid 4.0 Pro and Fruityloops 3.0/5.0 Producer Edition. Here's a good rule of thumb. If your bandmates have version numbers then you have no bandmates.
I guess if you're an Ecuadorian immigrant living in Flushing you need some kind of gimmick, but DJing should be very far down that list. One should not sell his soul for acceptance. I only hope that DJ Doughboy gets the help he needs. If he truly wants to rep ecuador 2 da fullest he should do something truly Ecuadorian, like stage a coup or run some drugs or work for some corporation paying him a subsistent wage for picking bananas. Really, anything but DJing.
"Life is musik. Musik is life." Spelling is for losers who don't spin. Or so I infer from DJ Frost's page. Aside from being a DJ he also made a fucking illegible page that could cause blindness if you actually tried to read it. Fortunately you don't have to, because all that you need to know about it is that he has some sort of Phantom Zone cube floating in the middle. I don't know how he got out of the Phantom Zone, but he is obviously using the powers granted him by our yellow sun for evil. The DJ thing is just a cover, and what could be more antithetical to a mild mannered reporter than a narcissistic douchebag who thinks DJing is an artform? He's obviously not Zod, because Zod would not demean himself so. He must be a minion.
To be continued...
First up we have DJ Fire whose page greets us with this thought provoking quote: "I am blind, yet I see. I am deaf, yet I hear. I am mute, yet I speak." What other oxymoronic statements did he leave out? "I am dead, yet I breathe. I am talentless, yet I get paid for this. I am gay, yet women love me." Truly DJ Fire is a paradox.
Up next is DJ Beat, who I'm pretty sure molests children when he isn't playing with his bandmates Acid 4.0 Pro and Fruityloops 3.0/5.0 Producer Edition. Here's a good rule of thumb. If your bandmates have version numbers then you have no bandmates.
I guess if you're an Ecuadorian immigrant living in Flushing you need some kind of gimmick, but DJing should be very far down that list. One should not sell his soul for acceptance. I only hope that DJ Doughboy gets the help he needs. If he truly wants to rep ecuador 2 da fullest he should do something truly Ecuadorian, like stage a coup or run some drugs or work for some corporation paying him a subsistent wage for picking bananas. Really, anything but DJing.
"Life is musik. Musik is life." Spelling is for losers who don't spin. Or so I infer from DJ Frost's page. Aside from being a DJ he also made a fucking illegible page that could cause blindness if you actually tried to read it. Fortunately you don't have to, because all that you need to know about it is that he has some sort of Phantom Zone cube floating in the middle. I don't know how he got out of the Phantom Zone, but he is obviously using the powers granted him by our yellow sun for evil. The DJ thing is just a cover, and what could be more antithetical to a mild mannered reporter than a narcissistic douchebag who thinks DJing is an artform? He's obviously not Zod, because Zod would not demean himself so. He must be a minion.
To be continued...
posted by Biggus Rickus | 9:06 AM
3 Comments:
Someone had to call these bastards out, and stick up for Candace Cameron. She did date Dustin Diamond after all.
Which begs the question, was she the recipient of the Dirty Sanchez?
One can hope...
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