Writers Writing Badly

Ah, so many writers strive to write elegant prose and convey as much as possible in the fewest words, but what happens when they use their writing powers for evil? Painfully awkward sentences with far too many commas and conjunctions and unneccessary five dollar words (odd that inflation hasn't upped the prices in at least fifty years) and cringe-inducing, grin-bringing metaphors is what. Here's my personal favorite:

"The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know."

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Election Day!

Well, we've come to that magical time of year when about a quarter of the American population turns out at the polls to elect a few hudred assholes to national seats of power and a few thousand more to fiefdoms at the state, city and county level. I will be spending this one as I have spent all of them since my 12th birthday, draped in an American flag with nothing on underneath and drunkenly watching the election results roll in. I'm not sure why my parents insisted I get drunk back in '87, maybe because of Iran-Contra or Bork's beatdown, but I'm not one to fuck with a good tradition.

I have voted one time in my life, and I didn't care for it. For everyone who thinks it is our civic responsibility to vote in all of these farces, just remember that at best your vote amounts to one one thousandth of someone's election chances. At worst, your state-wide races in populous states, you factor in at a one in eight million clip, or worse in the most populous. What does that mean? Only that your vote is fairly inconsequential. Granted, if everyone thought and acted as I do no one would receive a vote and democracy would die pretty quickly, but there are always earnest people who actually believe that some nimrod actually believes in their particular cause(s) or that the world would be a better place if only Amendment 2 was passed or rejected. I just don't think it matters all that much. They'll do fairly similar things regardless of who wins. Sure, I have my preferences, but they mostly involve leaving me alone, not a popular course of action in politics. Everyone wants to fuck with things, change them, ban them, restrict them, etc. I don't want to in most cases and neither of the two parties in the system agree with me. So, basically, spare me the sanctimony.

Oh, if you're stupid, don't vote. I don't care who you would vote for or against. DON'T VOTE! You'll just fuck everything up with your idiotic reasoning. You're the problem. You're the people politicians buy so easily with empty promises and grand rhetoric. Outside of a pogrom, your inaction is the only solution. Think about the children. Think about the time you could spend watching Oprah. Whatever it takes to dissuade you from voting, think about it.

I do still follow things, despite my general apathy, so I'll make the not so bold prediction that at the end of the counts and recounts and court cases the Dems will control the houst by a slim margin and the Reps will hold the Senate by an even slimmer margin.

An Unusually Positive Blog

I've decided to take a brief break from typing about things that annoy me and link to something that I actually like. So, here's an indie musician I came across yesterday. You can listen to full versions of all of his songs and order his CDs if you'd like. Personally, I like his "Thing A Week III" songs, RE Your Brains and Code Monkey. Chiron Beta Prime is also pretty funny. Thought I'd put the word out. It could very well increase his number of hits by a factor of four...or maybe by the number of four.

http://www.jonathancoulton.com/songs